Learning

Sometimes it’s hard to put this experience into words. I feel like I am dreaming, slowly gliding through the motions of my day and soon I will wake up and realize it’s not real. Can I really be a high school teacher? I can't be old enough for that. Despite feeling like I'm dreaming, my heart is already so wrapped up in everything that I am doing here. After almost 2 months, it’s still hard for me to believe that I teach in a Catholic high school in Kansas. I still get nervous every time I stand up in front of my classroom, but I find that as I get more use to being here, the nerves don’t last. Most days I genuinely enjoy teaching and being around my students.

I am learning so much more here than I am teaching.

I am learning from my students about their struggles and hardships, about what makes them strong, and what they think faith is. My classroom is full of drawings of their understanding of God and the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I am blown away by the things they say and other times I'll admit to wishing they would just shut up for 5 seconds. Their reflection papers and journals continue to inspire me. I see how passionate and full of hope they are for their futures. They can make me laugh and break my heart all in one 50 minute class period.

I am learning from my co-workers. Mostly from the two teachers I share an office with. They are both young, faith filled women and I find my own faith being strengthened just by being around them. They are helping me to see God and the Holy Spirit everywhere. The honest and heartfelt conversations that I have with them remind me why I am here. I know I still have so much to learn from these two women and I am so grateful that they are part of my life this year. They always make me laugh on long days and know just what to say when I am struggling.

I am learning from my community. I could not ask for a better group of people to be sharing this experience with. I truly think we are an exceptional community; we all get along so well and fit together so easily. I have gotten better at communicating and learning how to make group decisions. I’ve learned to slow down and take life less seriously. They make me laugh like few people can. I feel at home with them. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it will be to leave this community next summer; this year already feels like its flying by.

I am learning from myself. I am stronger and wiser than just a few weeks ago. I am more open and more compassionate. The way I look at the world has already changed. I cannot fully explain these changes. I just know they are happening. I am being “ruined for life” already.

I can’t think of anywhere else I would want to be.

Dream

Thought I would share this beautiful poem on my blog today...I'm working on a longer update!

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer